Honkyland

Arrived in Hong Kong last week. The motherland - where the food is cheap, yum-cha starts at 8am, and my mobile network name is called "Peoples".

"How many peepos?"

Alright backtrack ...

Went to my first proper Chinese wedding on Saturday - was lucky enough to be chosen to be one of the "hing dai" of the groom (translates as 'brothers') who was one of my "kul foo" - I think its a cousin of some sort. For those who don't know (I didnt either until I was asked), a hing dai the equivalent of a bridesmaid for the groom.

A lot of ppl seemed to say it was one of the more extravagant weddings they had seen - will try to send some pics over once the professional photographers burns us a few (there were 5 hired photographers/video dudes following us around that whole day!). I saw the bill after - it was for $400,000! .. I think thats about $70K AUD!. This is not even including the hundreds of red packets, the gifts of gold to the bride, hiring of staff/photographers/videos/cars/hotels/clothes/entertainment/licenses/yumchas!

Yul moe garl chor (kind of a Chinese version of wtf) indeed

Basically the day went as follows:

• Woke up at 6am after about 2 hrs sleep (had spent previous day helping groom get everything organised). Had yum cha naturally and met all the other hing dai. Was almost sick from eating so much. Decorated the three cars for the groom and jetted off to hotel where bride's family was getting prepared.
• Went to the hotel where the bride, all the "ji mui" (bridesmaids) were waiting. This is where it gets fun ..
• Chinese tradition is the groom has to pass all these tests see the bride (as opposed to seeing her for the first time down the aisle). But the groom can pass these tests off to his hing dai. Some of the tests included: taking photos with random hotel patrons whilst dressing up in furry bras with matching g-strings ; eating curry powder + wasabi filled boiled-eggs ; getting make-up put on our faces (ie. lip-stick + nutella) before having to passing a piece of plastic from lip-to-lip between us hing dai. Naturally, there was a good 10 seconds of video footage of me doing the latter - and is shown at the banquet in front of 328 guests.
• Then we had to negotiate a price for the "lai si" (the red packet) before we could pass this red ribbon to see the bride. Started off at $99,999 and went down to about $100. Honkies know how to bargain. ("for you... $34.50!")
• More yum cha. Shark fin soup and fried stuff. I had to keep making toilet breaks 'cos I kept getting forced to finish off plates.
• Managed to sneak in half an hrs sleep, before heading off to official courts where the signing of marriage certificates took place. Apparently it was a good day for weddings (something to do with the lunar calendar), so saw a lot of couples there. I was told that some couples forget to bring their birth certificates/rings/hongkong-id's and they have to do the whole thing all over again. Lots of grumpy relatives.
• Meanwhile through all this I'm asking lots of dumb questions like - "Where's the altar?". And calling ppl by all their wrong titles; I think I called the bride my grandma.
• Finally got to dinner at around 8pm. 'Peoples' started piling in after mahjong.
• Started eating. Meanwhile the bride and groom are still taking photos with all the new guests and pouring tea for them. I think at the very very least, they took 4000 photos that day. I'm not exaggerating either - even I personally took at at least 200 with them that day. The guests receive a towel of some sort in exchange for gold ... sounds like a good deal.
• Ok this part you would only get if you heard of Mcdull (one of the most popular HK cartoons about a little pig). Well there's this song about "siu larm yook" (roast pork) thats sung by all these little kids to the tune of a piece by Mozart. Well the first course came out once everyone was seated. Suddenly the lights went out, then 32 waiters filed out carrying these enormous roast pigs with flashing red lights in their mouths, while the "siu larm yook" song was blaring out in the background. Awesome!
• We started organising games throughout the banquet, to get all the guests involved. One was for each table to count the number of items that contained the number "99" in them - for example, a credit card with the consecutive numbers would count as an item. The game was won by a group of mainland big bosses (each is a head of a village or something) that were friends of my uncle ... each carrying the equivalent of $5000 in hundred dollar bills, and each was printed in 199-something. They won little mobile phone cords.
• Ate lots. Drank more. Bride changed dresses five times. Drank more and began thinking I could speak Chinese a lot better than I thought I could - then realised people probably didn't understand a word I was saying. Finished at about midnight. Slept for 10 hrs and back to yum cha.

Might do the rest of the update later when I remember to bring my dvds.

Ciao you char siu baus!